Life, Love and Relationships

God’s greater wisdom bloomed just this morning after attending so many ILCs and SFC retreats that surely empowered me to understand my God is loving and full of mercy.  

The Global Leaders Forum in Tagaytay on 2006 really fired me up.  To illustrate my experience, I saw God giving me a battle gear in my new quest of really seeking Him.  God used the sharers to tell me these weapons.

- being a leader will not protect you from temptations

- no matter how fallen I am, He is there waiting for me to embrace His mercy and love

Armed with those weapons, I faced the next days of being an SFC servant in search for God.  True enough I found Him and it was so great!!!!!

I became a servant more and more because God spoke to me through each service and God refined me through each service.  This went on up until the time that God invited me to refine my wisdom.   I felt that there is something wrong with my service, why is it not the same as before.   Still holding on to Him and not letting go of our walk, I asked Him that question and we embarked on another journey.

To cut the long story short, God revealed to me a treasure as I end my prayer time this morning à SERVICE IS NOT ENOUGH because it is in TEACHINGS, REFLECTIONS and PRAYERS that I will get the chance to know Him more and more.   In knowing Him more and more my service became better and deeper.  

I’ve treated myself as a servant but in fact I am God’s beautiful princess that He loves so much whom He has called to share Him with others because He is not just mine, He is also yours. 

As how I describe serving Him it is à Working in the vineyard is singing ‘SO BLESSED I CAN”T CONTAIN IT.’   And the blessings are not the material things, now I can say that the greatest blessing that I found is the TRUTH of JESUS CHRIST.  He is the greatest treasure that I’ve ever had.

Some of the greatest truth that He has armed me with are à

- No matter how sinful I am, His love for me is constant  and will never ever change, what I just need to do is to embrace it.  

- As I battle each day of spiritual warfare of temptations and sins, He assures me that He is there to help me.  All I just need to do is to ask for what I need in prayer.

- I tried to battle pride using my own strength and it tired me and I still fell.  When God revealed to me that I just need to pray for humility, the next battle surprised me because I found myself protected.

The key in all of these is a humble heart before God knowing that I need Him each day of my life, knowing that I don’t have anything to boast of before Him because who I am today is because of Him.

My constant prayer is ‘Lord, I don’t know if I will be able to resist temptations and sins when it comes but if ever that comes, equip me and remind me that all I just need to do is to pray to You and to know that You are with me and have already won the battle.  All I just need to do is to hold on and claim that victory, never giving up on Your tight embrace.   You have said ‘It is finished.’   Help me to finish the race with You.’

For all of these may my great merciful and loving God be praised!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I was influenced by an ‘AHA’ moment from the movie Jerry Maguire when Tom Cruise said ‘You complete me.’  This was the reason why, years ago, I started praying for a person who will complete me.  I’ve spent so many brain cells thinking what the make up of that person would be.  I’ve spent so many moments bugging God with those questions.

As sure as the sun rises, God answered my prayer.  He answered it by refining my idea on how I can be complete.  I was searching for the perfect person and in my journey I was led to know my perfect God.  As I write this blog, my smile is from ear to ear.  Just thinking of Him makes me smile and complete.

What God made me realize is that He alone can complete me because He alone can give me the most perfect love that no human being can give.  After I realized this I wondered if this is just true for singles. 

How about the married ones?  Another round of pangungulit to God followed.  In His own perfect time he answered me, a tita from Couples For Christ said in one of her talks ‘Married women, do you think your husband can complete you?  No, only God can do that because people around you will disappoint you in one way or another.’

It was so perfect.  It was just in time.  This was the most PERFECT AHA moment in this part of my journey.  Having an INTIMATE relationship with God is the only answer to have that true peace, joy and happiness in life.  I found out that this is true for everybody.  It transcends age, gender, race, status, wealth and anything that might cause division.  My Father in heaven is for everybody.  He is just waiting for us to acknowledge His invitation to start an intimate walk with Him.

Believe me when I say that finding Him is my greatest treasure in life.  For all of these and much, much more, may my GREAT LOVING PERFECT GOD be praised!!!!

…God led me to know Him and His love.  God led me to love, heal and embrace myself.   

Now, I don’t judge other people’s intention anymore.  If ever I am tempted to do so, I will always remind myself that it is between that person and God.  I will remind myself that I can’t see through the person’s heart.  I will always challenge myself with ‘Who am I to judge?’  I will always remind myself that I don’t have the right and the capacity to judge.

Now, whenever I encounter someone that I don’t have a good chemistry with, I am seeing that situation as God’s opportunity for me to get to know that person more and find the Christ in him/her.  I see that situation as an opportunity of refinement.   Each encounter is God’s way of revealing my weaknesses that I need to ask God to heal.

Now, I am always praying and making it a point to feel, to hear and to see God’s correction, love and smile in every encounter that I have in and out of the community.   

Now, the most important thing is, I am praying for these people and myself.

It is a continuous process of refinement.  It is a lifetime journey to perfect holiness.  I will gladly go through it with my one GREAT LOVING GOD!!!! J  Who is always there to guide me.  Who is always there to catch me when I fall.  Who is always there to love me.

For all of these, may my big GREAT LOVING GOD be praised!!!!

…It is between a person and God.

God led me to know Him more through His words through the Bible studies that I am attending at CAEC.   I sought to know Him more and I found that God is really LOVE.  He made me realize that my service is nothing if I don’t have love in me.  He made me realize that my service is useless if I am not seeing Him in every way possible.

I found and knew a God who is full of LOVE.  I found a God who loves me SO much.  I found a God crafted me carefully and blessed me with uniqueness.  I found a God who loves every inch of me and who is patiently refining me. 

A God who is asking me to love the people around me no matter what because each is His creation, each is going through His refinement and each has his own struggles.  I found a God who is asking me to work well with my fellow servants.  A God who is asking me to put myself aside and work well with His fellow servants because we are doing His work and it is His work that is uniting us.  I found a God who is continuously reminding me to value relationship within the service team rather than to focus on the service.  A God who is continuously refining me to be a channel of His love and peace always and in all ways.

….So the BIG question now is HOW?????

I prayed to God to tell me how.  I prayed to God to show me how.  Because what I only want is to love and obey Him completely.  God is really so great because He knows that I am really seeking for the answer.  Then He answered.  He led me to situations that led to my healing.  One concrete example was the Technical Analysis retreat that He allowed me to go through.   What He did was to heal me first.  He made me feel His love big time!!  He opened my heart to His love!!  He opened my eyes to my uniqueness!! 

He made me realize that the negative opinions that I have for others are reflections of my weaknesses and insecurities may it be a present one or something that I subconsciously have.  God is showing me the areas that I need to change through these people.  He made me realize the real meaning of the words that Ate Noralyn is repeatedly telling me, ‘Who are we to judge?’  Who are we to judge the intention of a person because only God knows what is inside one’s heart.  It is only God who can see what is really inside a person’s heart.  At the end of the day, it is between that person and God.

….I thought God will forever be telling me "I am so proud of you my child!"

We really have a funny and progressive God because as His child, He once again asked me to deeper journey.  In late 2006, He was always convicting me with His words ‘Love your enemies.  Love one another as I have loved you.’

As an active servant in the community, I had the chance to serve and interact with different people.  Naturally, I came across people with whom I don’t have good chemistry with.  There will be someone whose mere presence irritates me.  There was an instance when I would look at someone and ask God ‘Is he/she sincere in what he/she is doing?’   There were times when I was asking God why He let someone come near me.   I also experienced having rebellious thoughts whenever a certain brother is leading the praise and worship.  I didn’t show these people what I felt nor confronted them.  The battle was inside me.

But here is God, bugging me with His words, ‘LOVE YOUR ENEMIES.’  I explored this message.  I can very well remember that Christmas eve dinner in 2006 when I opened up myself to Ate Noralyn.  I asked her how is it to really love my ‘enemies.’  I told her the emotions and thoughts that I have whenever I see people whom I am not comfortable with.  I asked her, ‘Isn’t it enough for me to have a civil relationship with these people?’  Anyway, I am not doing anything to them. 

God answered through her, ‘It is not enough.  What matters most is what is inside your heart.  Who are we to judge?’

So the BIG question now is HOW????

I was just a mediocre SFC when I first joined the community.  I only attended household meetings and went to activities where I am required to dance.  Normally, I will dance and leave the activities right away.  This is for the reason that I am not comfortable within the community.  Also, my mindset before was to be in the community only to give back the talents that He has given me.

I slowly realized what SFC can offer me in terms of deepening my relationship and faith with the Lord.  So after 2 years of being a mediocre SFC, I realized that the reason why I am not committing to SFC and all its activities is I fear to commit to God.  I was afraid to know Him more for fear of being given a big trial in life. 

With this realization, I confronted myself and heeded God’s call.  I told God ‘This is it!! I am committing to you!!’  So after 2 years in SFC, I finally served fully whenever and where ever possible.  Along with service is me attending all teachings, retreats and PAs.  I was really active!!! 

I thought that was it.  It’s just that!  I am serving God and that is enough.  I thought God will remain contented and happy with me.  I thought God will forever be telling me ‘I am so proud of you my child!’

God showed His power and majesty again as He concluded the St. Anne CLP and started the real journey of the participants. He is so faithful and loving to His servants. I can attest to this because He showed His truth once again to me thru this CLP.

One week before the St. Anne graduation while walking and talking to God, I was tempted to have these thoughts, ‘I always feel, see and hear You every second of my life. You always make me smile and You always guide me. How about the others? If you are with me, are you really also with them? Are you really omnipresent? Are you also talking to them the way you are talking to me? Or are you just a product of my imagination?’

He gave me the answer through the St. Anne CLP.  One of the DGL sisters was hesitant to be a head.  I tried my convincing powers which God allowed to work well with the other DGL sisters. Having a 2-0 point system with that approach gave me the confidence that she will agree to lead.  Saturday morning came, the first sms that I read was from her, begging off to lead.  Wow Lord!! What a way to start my day, with only 1 day left to graduation, what would you like me to do?  I stopped, talked to Him again, started my day early and talked to Him the whole day.  I broke the news to Ate Ellaine who was in Batam for the Discovery Weekend.

I didn’t reply to the sms right away. I prayed to God to tell me what to do.  God made sure that it was a busy day with friends around to prevent me from acting on impulse that may cause more damage hehehe.  In the afternoon, an idea popped in my head so I texted the sister.  While hitting the send button I told God, ‘last attempt please bless this.  I am lifting it all up to You.’  I also sent the same message to Ate Ellaine.  Surprisingly, Ate Ellaine replied back telling me that it was the exact words that she would like me to tell the sister. This made me smile because I know that the idea came from Him because here is His affirmation. CRYSTAL CLEAR!!!

After a while, the sister texted me and this time it was positive. ALLELUIA!!!! She agreed to lead!!! I praised and thanked God!!!

Monday came, the sister sent me the story behind her ‘YES’ to service.  She said that in Saturday, I believe it was between her morning SMS and my afternoon reply, God answered all her concerns. God fixed what ever it is that is hindering her to serve.  This was the reason why she said ‘Yes.’ 

This is so surreal!!! I realized that God was working in the elders in Batam, God is working in me here in Singapore and God is silently working in the life of the DGL sister.  This was happening all at the same time, happening to achieve His great work.  Indeed, He is OMNIPRESENT!!!   Who says the CLP is a battle being fought by the servants????   It was His from the very beginning.

This is what I love about Him.   He never fails to surprise me.   He always answer my questions in His own perfect time.  He also knows how to answer me in a way I can understand Him.   He never fails to put a smile on my face.   He knows how to talk to me.   He knows how to handle me.   He knows me in and out.   He knows me intimately.   He loves me very, very much!!!!

Cheers to my one great loving God!!   Who is everywhere, everytime and with everyone. :)   I pray that you will spend the time to feel His presence always and in all ways.

Two more Sundays to go and our St. Anne CLP is over.  I remember when we first started this 3 months ago, prayer time and fasting were set, warnings on oppressions were given and everybody was praying for protection.   As we near its end, God brought me back to one of the trekking experiences that I had. 

I am afraid of snakes and this is an understatement!! I can’t find the exact word to describe what I feel about snakes and reptiles in general.  This is the reason why in every trek that I go to, I am always in my most prayerful mode for protection in each step of the way.  I am not exaggerating when I said ‘each step’ because if you can just hear my mind while trekking, you will really say, ‘Oo nga ‘no at understatement pala ang each step.’

I previously had 6 trekking trips that went well and when I say went well it means no reptile encounters.. hehe  I firmly believe that it is because of my prayers for protection.

On my 7th trekking trip, I prepared myself for the battle and prayed as I climb up and down the mountain.  On our way down, I realized that we are nearing our final stop and I estimated that we are only left with 1.5 km to walk.  Then a lot of thoughts came in..

1. Moomai… you already had 6 trekking trips that went well.  How can this one be different?

2. I have 5 people walking in front of me and 5 more behind me.  To walk in the middle of a group is my silent strategy to keep away from reptiles.

3. Moomai… The chances of a reptile encounter is now slim because of the location that we are in.

All of these thoughts gave me the confidence and I stopped to be in prayerful mode.  I only drew confidence and relief from these thoughts.  Minutes later, a snake quickly wiggled it’s way in front of me.  I screamed!! I shouted in fear!! I shouted in anger as I use it to cover my fear!!  Afterwards, I composed myself. :)  hehehehe…

My fool-proof defense is now up.  I am now in my most, most, most prayerful mode for protection.  I asked Him, how could this happen?!?!  What are you trying to tell me?!?!  Then He answered, ‘You let go of me and you forget about me as you near the finish line. Why?’  I fell silent… It is now my time to reflect for my answers.

Then He made me realize these messages… In life, no matter what I do I should always pray for His grace, guidance and protection.  If ever I am nearing the end of that particular task that I am so fervently praying for, I should not stop in praying.  In fact, I must pray more.  I must also pray for humility that whatever is the result of what I did, it is Him who allowed it to happen.  He is the one who has sent me all the people and resources that made it happen.

We are nearing the end of our St. Anne CLP.  God reminded me that this is not the end of the journey.  This is just the beginning of the journey of His new harvest that He has blessed us with.  With this reminder, He told me to pray more for His people to continue the journey towards Him.  To pray for protection for His servant and people.

For all of these, may my big great loving God be praised!!! May His words be heard and be planted in each of our hearts!!!

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!! LOVES KO TALAGA SIYA!!!! LOVES TALAGA NIYA TAYONG LAHAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I watched Kung Fu panda and it sure did give me lots of laughter.  I love watching cartoons because with the laughter comes heaven loads of wisdom. 

I’ve seen disillusion in Po and Tai Lung when they first found out that there is nothing written in the secret scroll of great power a.k.a dragon warrior.  A thought hit me, the effect of this discovery is different on Po and Tai Lung. 

Being the dragon warrior is Tai Lung’s ultimate dream.  He worked hard for it.  He waited for it.  He used it as a motivation.  He built his world around it.  He even hated his father and almost destroyed the whole community because of it.   So just imagine how his world crumbled when he found out that there is really no secret. 

Looking at it in a negative way (which what Tai Lung did) one would think ‘what now? where do i go from here? what happened to my dream?’  All these and more self-degrading questions will come out and would lead to self-destruction.  These negative thoughts are blocking the real meaning of the secret.  That is, everything is possible when you believe and there is really no need for any rocket science to succeed.

I suddenly thought of the dragon warrior scroll as one of my dreams in life.  A dream that I’ve worked hard for.  A dream on which I based my every decision on.  A dream that keeps me going.   Then, in the end I will find out that it is not what God want me to have.  Will I welcome His plan wholeheartedly???  Will I obey Him???   

Hopefully, this situation will not come.  However, if ever it will, I will always hang on to His words…

          Jeremiah 29:11 - For I know the plans I have for you, plans not to harm you but to prosper you.  Plans to give you hope and a future.

….and with this I will pray for guidance, humility and obedience… For I know that He knows what is best for me.

For this, may my great loving and faithful God be praised!!!!