Life, Love and Relationships

I’ve received another wonderful gift from God!  I am 1 of the Top 11 ITO idol finalists!  ITO idol, by the way, is our department’s singing contest American Idol Style. 

I was at first hesitant to go to the audition.  Almost everyday my friends Xtine and Eric would convince me to join.  After a while I gave in and went to the audition.   What convinced me to join?  First, I thought that this is probably my last year in Citibank.  So I would like to make and leave another memory.  Second, I might regret it if I didn’t join and saw the semi-finalists sing.  Third, I have to overcome my fear of rejection in order to eliminate a future what-if.  If the judges don’t find my voice fit for the contest then so be it.  At least I tried.  Conquer your fear ika nga!

I was not hesitant because I am just ‘nagpapacute’ or ‘nagpapapilit’.  Most people don’t know that deep down my strong and confident exterior is the lack of confidence in my singing ability.  Thank God, He gave me the knowledge on why I am not confident. 

When I was a child, I used to watch ‘Bagong Kampeon’ with my uncle who has a very great voice. (Actually my mother and all her siblings have great voices)  I had a habit of singing along with the contestant.  Everytime this happens my uncle will always gesture to me to keep quiet. :)  He didn’t even encouraged and trained me to sing.  Since I was a child then, I didn’t understand that he would just like to clearly hear the voice of the contestant.  As a result, I took it as a sign that I don’t have a talent in singing. 

Growing up that feeling was with me.   Along the way, God sent angels in the form of friends to affirm my gift of singing thru their compliments.  However, I would not totally believe them because I always thought that they are just being polite.  Moreover, I also know the wickedness of people, that in order to have fun, they will try their best to encourage you to sing even if you don’t have a good voice. :)  I saw these happen so many times and am afraid that I am one of those being fooled.  Though I always feel good with people’s compliment especially from people that I know will always tell the truth. 

Weeks before the semi-finals I am considering to back out of the competition because I fear that I will make a total mess of myself.  Come on, cut me some slack here because this is my first time to join a singing competition. :)   However, when ever I talked with God about quitting, He will always answer me a big NO!  He will always clear the events that I consider as hindrances.  The finality of my decision to push through is when I heard from the Tuesday lunch time mass that we should follow God’s will.  So with a smile I told God ‘Ok I need to obey You’ followed by ‘Bahala ka na sa akin’. :) 

A day before the competition I still don’t have a final song to sing.  I prayed for Him to choose for me.  I am down to ‘Home’ which I don’t know the lyrics by heart and a difficult song to sing and ‘Don’t Cry Out Loud’ which I can confidently sing.  Again, I was led to sing Home.  And again, I said ‘I will do my best, take care of the rest’.  Whatever is the outcome I know He would like me to learn something from this experience.

11 will be chosen from the 25 contestants and that is more than 50% chance of being eliminated.  Before the result was released, friends will tell me that I will surely make it.  Again, I thought that they are just being polite because I know I could have done better. :)   Finally, the result was announced and I had that unexplainable shocked calmness when I was called to be one of the top 11. 

Looking back at this experience.  It is not being in the finals that is the greatest gift He gave me.  It is being healed by Him which I consider as the greatest of all.  Now, I can confidently sing in front of my uncle. :)  Now, I will not be affected whenever my mom will ask me if I know how to sing. :)  Now, I will look back in time with fond memories of Singapore. :)  Now, I am looking forward to not just a year-long experience of God’s extravagant love but a whole lifetime experiencing it.

For all of these, may God be praised!!

P.S.  Yahoo!! We will have a makeover and photo session for the idol poster.  We can keep the pictures!! :)  FYI, I am a glamour photo-session addict!!! :)  This is another gift because I am really planning to have a photo-session while I am in my 30th year of existence.  Now I can have it for free!! :)  Isn’t God wonderful??

Today is Singapore’s 41st birthday.  Also, today is my first experience of watching SG’s celebration.  MInd you, not just simply watching it on TV but watching it LIVE at Kallang Stadium.   You might be wondering why I am so happy about this.  The reason, the ticket for this celebration is not easy to get because it is raffled off. 

You see, I have a plan of moving to US because I need a change of environment after staying here for 6 years.  Three months ago I was in a hurry to get out of this country.   So while at the celebration I was amazed when I found myself teary-eyed.   It was just then that I realized that I will really miss this country.   Not just that, I’ve also realized how I have grown to love this country.

One by one the reasons crossed my mind.  In SG I learned and felt how it is to be very independent.  In SG I learned how to value, love and appreciate my family more (distance really played a big part).  In SG I learned more about myself.  In SG I fulfilled most of my dreams.   In SG I found SFC.  In SG I found a way of nurturing my creative side.  In SG I found so many great friends.  Most of all, in SG I found a very personal relationship with my creator.

As the message of this year’s Singapore’s song goes, you will forever be in my heart no matter where I may be.   

Thanks Des for giving me this opportunity.  Thank God for giving me this chance to watch the celebration in hopefully my last year in Singapore.  Thank God for giving me this as one of His wonderful gifts in my year-long 30th bday celebration.   

God is good all the time!!!