Life, Love and Relationships

…God led me to know Him and His love.  God led me to love, heal and embrace myself.   

Now, I don’t judge other people’s intention anymore.  If ever I am tempted to do so, I will always remind myself that it is between that person and God.  I will remind myself that I can’t see through the person’s heart.  I will always challenge myself with ‘Who am I to judge?’  I will always remind myself that I don’t have the right and the capacity to judge.

Now, whenever I encounter someone that I don’t have a good chemistry with, I am seeing that situation as God’s opportunity for me to get to know that person more and find the Christ in him/her.  I see that situation as an opportunity of refinement.   Each encounter is God’s way of revealing my weaknesses that I need to ask God to heal.

Now, I am always praying and making it a point to feel, to hear and to see God’s correction, love and smile in every encounter that I have in and out of the community.   

Now, the most important thing is, I am praying for these people and myself.

It is a continuous process of refinement.  It is a lifetime journey to perfect holiness.  I will gladly go through it with my one GREAT LOVING GOD!!!! J  Who is always there to guide me.  Who is always there to catch me when I fall.  Who is always there to love me.

For all of these, may my big GREAT LOVING GOD be praised!!!!

…It is between a person and God.

God led me to know Him more through His words through the Bible studies that I am attending at CAEC.   I sought to know Him more and I found that God is really LOVE.  He made me realize that my service is nothing if I don’t have love in me.  He made me realize that my service is useless if I am not seeing Him in every way possible.

I found and knew a God who is full of LOVE.  I found a God who loves me SO much.  I found a God crafted me carefully and blessed me with uniqueness.  I found a God who loves every inch of me and who is patiently refining me. 

A God who is asking me to love the people around me no matter what because each is His creation, each is going through His refinement and each has his own struggles.  I found a God who is asking me to work well with my fellow servants.  A God who is asking me to put myself aside and work well with His fellow servants because we are doing His work and it is His work that is uniting us.  I found a God who is continuously reminding me to value relationship within the service team rather than to focus on the service.  A God who is continuously refining me to be a channel of His love and peace always and in all ways.

….So the BIG question now is HOW?????

I prayed to God to tell me how.  I prayed to God to show me how.  Because what I only want is to love and obey Him completely.  God is really so great because He knows that I am really seeking for the answer.  Then He answered.  He led me to situations that led to my healing.  One concrete example was the Technical Analysis retreat that He allowed me to go through.   What He did was to heal me first.  He made me feel His love big time!!  He opened my heart to His love!!  He opened my eyes to my uniqueness!! 

He made me realize that the negative opinions that I have for others are reflections of my weaknesses and insecurities may it be a present one or something that I subconsciously have.  God is showing me the areas that I need to change through these people.  He made me realize the real meaning of the words that Ate Noralyn is repeatedly telling me, ‘Who are we to judge?’  Who are we to judge the intention of a person because only God knows what is inside one’s heart.  It is only God who can see what is really inside a person’s heart.  At the end of the day, it is between that person and God.

….I thought God will forever be telling me "I am so proud of you my child!"

We really have a funny and progressive God because as His child, He once again asked me to deeper journey.  In late 2006, He was always convicting me with His words ‘Love your enemies.  Love one another as I have loved you.’

As an active servant in the community, I had the chance to serve and interact with different people.  Naturally, I came across people with whom I don’t have good chemistry with.  There will be someone whose mere presence irritates me.  There was an instance when I would look at someone and ask God ‘Is he/she sincere in what he/she is doing?’   There were times when I was asking God why He let someone come near me.   I also experienced having rebellious thoughts whenever a certain brother is leading the praise and worship.  I didn’t show these people what I felt nor confronted them.  The battle was inside me.

But here is God, bugging me with His words, ‘LOVE YOUR ENEMIES.’  I explored this message.  I can very well remember that Christmas eve dinner in 2006 when I opened up myself to Ate Noralyn.  I asked her how is it to really love my ‘enemies.’  I told her the emotions and thoughts that I have whenever I see people whom I am not comfortable with.  I asked her, ‘Isn’t it enough for me to have a civil relationship with these people?’  Anyway, I am not doing anything to them. 

God answered through her, ‘It is not enough.  What matters most is what is inside your heart.  Who are we to judge?’

So the BIG question now is HOW????

I was just a mediocre SFC when I first joined the community.  I only attended household meetings and went to activities where I am required to dance.  Normally, I will dance and leave the activities right away.  This is for the reason that I am not comfortable within the community.  Also, my mindset before was to be in the community only to give back the talents that He has given me.

I slowly realized what SFC can offer me in terms of deepening my relationship and faith with the Lord.  So after 2 years of being a mediocre SFC, I realized that the reason why I am not committing to SFC and all its activities is I fear to commit to God.  I was afraid to know Him more for fear of being given a big trial in life. 

With this realization, I confronted myself and heeded God’s call.  I told God ‘This is it!! I am committing to you!!’  So after 2 years in SFC, I finally served fully whenever and where ever possible.  Along with service is me attending all teachings, retreats and PAs.  I was really active!!! 

I thought that was it.  It’s just that!  I am serving God and that is enough.  I thought God will remain contented and happy with me.  I thought God will forever be telling me ‘I am so proud of you my child!’