Life, Love and Relationships

A friend asked my definition of love because they need it for our SFC newsletter.  I suddenly thought ’sana high school na lang ako para isasagot ko kaagad ‘Love is like a rosary that is full of mystery’.  CLASSIC slum book days!!!! hehehe…  As I seriously thought about it, I was amazed because I don’t know how to define it.

Looking back to my high school years, I really thought of love as a mystery.  After a long journey in life, love and prayer, it’s mystery is not that great anymore.  However, why am I finding it so difficult to define?   I can only think of the manifestations that I can associate to my idea of love but never a definition. 

Halfway in writing this blog, a lightbulb popped on my head and I readily replied this to my friend, ‘Love is the absence of hatred specially to a person who had caused you great pain.’  And this is my poetic way of putting what I have in my heart. 

To say it in a modern way let me borrow the line that I really love from the movie 10 things I hate about you which goes, ‘…But most of all, I hate the way I don’t hate you, not even close, not even a little bit, not even at all.’  This line was said after a litany of all the things that the girl hated in her boyfriend.

May it be poetic or modern way, it all boils down to what Christ commanded us to do ‘Love others (specially your enemies) as I have loved you.’  God’s been refining me in this area as I was confronted with so many situations that required me to go beyond myself by loving the people that I classified as difficult.

Ang bigat nga lang ng ‘…as I have loved you’ but I believe in God’s grace and with constant prayers and humility, I know Christ will get me there.

For all of these may my big great loving God be praised!!!!

God’s been taking me on a journey of a complete surrender to Him that would naturally require complete obedience.   It all climaxed to me reading this reflection from my perpetual calendar ‘Lord, Your call to obedience may not always make sense to me, but help me to remember that You have a reason for everything.’

Here’s a bit of my journey.  In 2006, God reawakened my plans to go to US.  I prepared and for the first time I asked God what His will is in my life.   One of the preparations that I did was to save money in USD.   Another is to discern the message thru Ate Noralyn which was ‘Go where the money is’.   I did some accounting and the obvious choice was Singapore.   However, this contradicted to my desire to really pursue my US plan.   ‘Sigurista’, I spent my whole year discerning or should I say accepting the will of God.   Finally, I accepted it and stayed in Singapore.  All I can say is the will of God is really the best for me for I am living in full happiness here in Singapore. 

In 2007, USD weakened.  I smiled to God and thanked Him for not letting me go to US.   Unfortunately, I already saved some USD and I can’t exchange it now because I will incur a loss.   From then on, I would always ask God what is His purpose for my USD.   In the end of 2007, slowly I am getting the answer. 

This story continues up to this day and I still don’t know how this will end or how will this continue.  One thing is for sure, obedience to God is the key to happiness.  For I can only see up to the horizon but He sees far, far beyond it. 

I just came from SFC ILC 2008 held at Clark and I brought home with me so many learnings, answers and wonders of God.  Here is one of the many…

At the start of 2007 I told God that I will completely surrender to Him my searching/waiting for the right man for He is the only one who knows me so much. Therefore, He alone knows what is best for me. That total surrender confuses me whenever I pray.  I had questions like, should I still pray for it?  Does praying for it contradict my submission to God?  Does praying for it mean a lack of faith in God?

Sam, a full-time worker and the speaker for ILC Talk 2, shared something that brought light to my confusion.  The answer was, PRAY, pray without expectations.

She shared her fervent prayer for God to give her a child. She experienced telling God, ‘Lord I am serving you, please give me a child’.  This progressed to, ‘Hindi na ako magdadasal para wag ako magexpect at mafrustrate pag hindi Niya binigay’.  Then she attended the SFC Guaranteed conference and the message was clear, Pray… Pray without expectations.  Therefore, I still need to ask God for the desires of my heart but I need to be open to His will for me.

For all of this may my BIG GREAT GOD be praised!!!!!!

Ask me about my lovelife and I will beam my sweetest smile with ‘kilig’ gestures.  This will always lead the other person asking if I already have someone special in my life.  To which I will reply with a sweet none. :)   Yup!  You read it right. I still have no one to whom I have a romantic relationship with and I am not even dating anybody.

So you might be asking why I have that ‘in love’ and ‘kilig’ gestures when asked.  Wala lang, I am excited and happy about the love story that God would bless me with and this message from a friend sums it all —> ‘Trust God in every little detail of your life.   Faith is the confident assurance that what you hope for will happen.  It is the belief in something that we cannot see yet.’

I know my time will come.  I believe that God will bless me with a love that would always remind me how He loves me so much. :)  For all of these, may my Big God be praised!!!

I am a self-confessed crazy in love with God.  However, I realized that I still have a tendency to forget about Him when a tremendous blessing comes especially in love and wealth.  Confronted with this truth I prayed for Him to keep me focus on Him in times of great blessings and trials for I also know that I can’t do it without His help. 

Last November, I bought a new cell phone which happened to have a game that I found challenging.  I got addicted to the game to the point that I even traded my morning dialogue with Him while in the MRT to playing the game. 

A thought crossed my mind which says ‘the cellphone is a gift from God, so why am I focusing on the gift and forgetting my commitment to the Giver?  Be careful for the cellphone might be taken from you.’  Every time this thought crosses my mind I will tell Him, ‘Just this once, promise, tomorrow I will not play anymore’.  You guessed it right, the ‘just this once’ didn’t stop.

Just like a movie with an expected ending, yesterday, I lost my new cellphone. Hehehe… I lost it in a very odd manner.  After which I found myself, praying to God to give the phone back to me and even promising Him that I will not get addicted to the game to the point of forgetting Him. :)  I can see Him looking at me and saying ‘Tsk tsk tsk’ but still smiling.

I learned something about myself thru this event.  God loves me so much that He flaunted my weakness thru a simple cellphone and not thru losing a great blessing.  Hopefully and with His help, I will not behave the same way when He gives me the one that He exclusively and lovingly prepared for me. 

Keep me focus on YOU!!!

As I claimed it, God really made December 21 extra special for me!!!  Here is a list of a few of the many wonderful things that happened on my birthday…

- I received so many greetings from my family and friends from Philippines, Singapore, US, Shanghai, London and Hawaii. 

- I received honoring words and prayers and wishes from friends.  I reaped what God made me sow and I am loving every bit of it.

- I received a card with dedications that are written from the heart.

- My pappy, mama, ate, abby and chai called me up from the Philippines. 

- My handsome seatmate, Keith ;), left a note for his Christmas gift for me.  (Hey Keith! You really owe me a lot of coffee!! I am your publicity manager!!)

- I had lunch at pepper lunch with my dear friends Eric and Jerome.

- I had coffee with Rolly and Jerome again!

- I received gifts!

- I finally ate arroz caldo and shared it with hillarious SFC bros and sis!!! :)  We celebrated my birthday with lots of laughter!!!

- God gifted me with a simbang gabi in a church very near our place.

- I officially celebrated my birthday for 2 weeks..

I realized a great thing today.  So great that it made me cry.  All these happiness that I am experiencing and my ability to see my birthday as extra special is only by God’s grace which is brought by my new found relationship with Him.  As I prayed after the communion, a thought struck me.  It was the thought that the greatest thing that I got for my birthday is Him.

2007 is really a great year for me!! A year of a great journey!! A year of a deeper relationship with Him!!  A year that is so blessed with great friends and great love from Him!!!

I am looking forward to my 2008… I know He will bless me with a magnificent year!!! :)  I am Moomai and I am basking on God’s great love for me!!!

For all of these, may God be praised!!!! :) 

December 20th… God is really so GREAT!!!  He blessed me with 4 official birthday celebration even before my actualy birthday. 

I had an advance birthday lunch with my very dear Ate Noralyn and SFC bro and sisters.  I blew the candle light off my 2nd birthday cake.  Most of all, I got a flower for my birthday. :)  I wore a big smile on my face as I walk around holding the flower. 

I also had a crossover celebration at the east coast with my ever dependable equi barkada. 

I silently asked God what it is His theme for my 2007 birthday celebrations.  He answered, ‘I am blessing you with everything that you really like’.  First, my household members.  Second, a self-expresssion thru my passion in dancing.  Third, a flower for my birthday.  Fourth, a photoshoot with my friends.  Fifth, a crossover celebration with great friends.  Sixth, a blessing of so many great true friends!

To GOD be the glory!!!! :)  I have ONE GREAT GOD who LOVES me so MUCH!!!!

December 21 - This is my official birthday.  I am looking forward to more surprises! 

I have ONE BIG GOD who loves me so so much!!! :) 

I felt God’s love for me when my SFC household mates surprised me with a birthday cake.  Today is not yet my birthday but I really felt the love within when I opened our door and surprised by my 3 HH mates with a birthday cake and with them singing ‘Advance Happy Birthday To You’.

God indeed put a big smile on my face.  God indeed made me feel His love through the people around me.  I am counting down the days to my actual birthday and I know that it will be one great day! :) 

My God is full of surprises and romance!!! :) 

December 2.  I am runner 56769 of the Singapore Marathon 2007.  Running the marathon is one of my dreams in life.  I was hoping a full marathon but I ended up registering and running the 10km.  I was actually fighting back the tears when I heard the DJ shouting the start of the 10km runners. 

I run the first 2km smoothly and honestly.  I had to walk after that up to the 9th km because I felt that the side part of my left knee is really aching.  There are so many reasons that I can think of that contributed to my knee injury.  Here are some:

1. I didn’t train.  Not train enough BUT really didn’t train.

2. I don’t have a good running shoes.

3. I am overweight.

4. I didn’t warm up.

I confronted myself with all these realizations while I was walking.  I was asking myself if I can really commit in regaining my health buff days to the max.  Despite all of these reasons I moved forward, I continued the race, I run the last km, brought home the medal and fulfilled my dream.

I have an injured knee but I am now aware of my shortcomings.  My next step is to address it and hope that I will run the half or full marathon next year!!

It’s like my journey of faith.  I got frustrated and injured, I found that I have a lot of shortcomings and weaknesses.  Still, I move forward, I continue the journey, I slowly address my shortcomings and I always end up as a winner.

Runner 56769…  A runner and a sure winner for the LORD!!!!

I realized something as I woke up last Monday. Sunday, I prayed to God to wake me up early for a swim. Kasi nga alam kong kailangan ko ng magbago ng lifestyle dahil tumataba na talaga ako at wala na akong exercise. Come Monday morning nagising ako dahil ihing-ihi na ako even before the alarm went off. I went to the CR and went back to bed and 3 minutes after the alarm went off. I was bargaining for more sleep and suddenly it struck me. There is God giving me the opportunity to exercise BUT my response is to not grab the opportunity. After this knock on the head, I got out of bed, changed and swam!!! I was so happy after.

Naisip ko ito in my life, the many times that I was given the opportunity to do something then my response is to back out.

God did His part, have I done mine?